Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Gross, Gross and more Gross....I warned you....

I am purely superstitious, I knew better....I was running along in the forest, there was plenty of wood at my disposal, yet I did not knock and not I am paying the consequences. I, the girl who NEVER gets sicks, is now sick.

I'm high...and not off of life; high off of stupid pharmaceutical drugs. There are times today that I did a face plant into my keyboard. I am fortunate that my boss doesn't care that I came to work in my velor pajama bottoms and rocked my slippers. I think I may have swallowed a seed to a torn bush, it's really the only explanation as to why my throat burns so damn badly. I got a call from the big bad wolf he wanted to recruit me as I am sneezing so hard I could blow a house over. Mmmm, pork, the other white meat. Did I just say that? At least I haven't lost my appetite. When that happens I think hell will have frozen over. Although with the bloating from all the 7-Up (remember, this girl can't make herself burp) chicken broth and lack of exercise you might think I could go a few days without eating. The drainage going on is unreal. I can't go anywhere with out Puffs by my side. Puffs with lotion, if not I look like I could be a long lost relative of Mr. And Mrs Clause. Before the Puffs I tried snot rockets....but I got a few disturbing looks, plus they weren't really rockets...more like a flow of slim from that show “You Can't Do That On Television”, uh-oh, now I'm starting to date myself. I'm a hot mess...the one thing I can look forward to is that 5 sec moment of being able to breath out of both nostrils. It's such a damn tease. Hot flashes and cold sweats are awesome by the way. How the hell do I sweat when I'm shizzering?

The cold is advancing quickly, I think (or I hope!) I'm forcing out of my system, that is the goal anyway. My day consists of 5 Emergen-C's w/diet 7-Up(one every 3 hours), non-drowsy cold medicine (can I sue for false advertising?) every 4 hours, normal multi's, amino's and calcium supplements, 3 cans of chicken broth seasoned with a ton of sage (good for the liver) and red pepper flakes (yes, I am trying to burn it out), and cough drops RIIIIIIIIIIICOOOOOOOOLA when I don't have fluids going in. I get up early, with enough time to catch a 30 minute nap right before work, I take a quick 15 minute nap at lunch and then immediately crawl into bed when I get home for another hour long nap...only to go to bed in the next 2 hours. I'm trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel but it's hard right now, I think my batteries need to be charged....for the light and other things ....hmmmmm. I'll dig deep down inside and think this only has to be a blessing in disguise. I know I am inches away from seriously injuring my damn hamstring. I know pain, I can handle pain...anyone that knows me knows this (like that word twist?).....this is not pain, there is something wrong. I can assume that having this cold suck the life of out me is a way of allowing my muscles to heal and recover.

Oh yes and whip cream to my glorious sunday would be the tummy wrenching woman cramps ....could my life be any better right about now? I'll be damned if I'm not well enough to make cross fit....2 days to get better. Go away cold! Why is it when I'm sick all I want is my mom?

I am 99.9% I will never have another date after this blog.


Kelly Olexa said...

awww get better soon sweets!!

Rainmaker said...

Get well soon!

And your rambling posts are always hilarious.