Saturday, April 30, 2011


AM Aqua jog - 50 mins
20 min Z2
10 x 1 min Z4/Z5; 1 min high Z1/low Z2
10 min Z2

I'm now at 7 weeks from fracture and have been without pain for the last 2-3 weeks. Today I tested running. 10 mins on the treadmill and I felt ok. Finished with 10 mins of core strengthening.

I went back to the doc to get another X-Ray of my foot to clear my mind and put me at ease. My RA doc had a few tests that I needed to take as well.

The lab tech tells me that I need to take a 24hr urine sample. I look at him with a blank expression because I have no clue what that means. He signaled me in close with the curl of his index finger and whispers "You'll need to gather and store your urine for 24hrs and bring it back us." He then hands me a jug and some weird thing to help collect and drain the urine. He then tells me how to use the collection device. If I don't want to use it he suggested I could always put it on my head like a hat and dance around. He demonstrates. LMFAO! I swear I was dreaming. This was a little too funny and disgusting for me to wrap my head around. I was instructed to keep the urine cold, or on ice. Oh yea, how I going to explain a jug of urine in the refrigerator to my room mate. I think that could be grounds to kick me out of the house. Luckily I picked up a cooler bag from a food show. Hmmmm, I wonder if I'm allowed to drink libations during the collection process. There is nothing that says I can't. Oh man, now my doc is going to know I'm a lush.

Feeling a little blah-zay, I decided to go to Ultra Cosmetics for a pick me up. I spent over an hour (and way to much $$$) looking at glitter and sparkle. Really, I'm a little girl at heart. Anything with sparkle catches my eye and I'm star struck. I want to grow up and fly around like Tinker Bell.
No, I have not started drinking.......yet.
Lots of glitter, gold and sparkle later and I'm feeling pretty again!

Afternoon Swim - 2800 yds

Warm up
• 1 x 300

4 x 50yd Freestyle Catch Up, rest 0:10 / 50yd 
1 x 300 paddles; rest 30 
1 x 100 kick; 10 hard/20 easy

• 6 x 200yd Freestyle Swim, target time 03:10 / rest 0:30  - landed on 3:03-3:06

• 3 x 200yd Freestyle Swim, target time 03:10 / rest 0:20  - landed on 3:06- 3:08

Warm down
1 x 100 easy

I ended Saturday night with a lush and velvety 47lb Cock. For a girl, it doesn't get much better. 

Friday, April 29, 2011

Back to the daily grind

AM Long run - 75 min aqua run
15 min Z2
high Z3/Low Z2 alternating per song tempo - 1 hr

PM - 45 mins of strength training 
2 x 20 w/10 sec rests
Upper, lower and core with free weights, cables and body weight stabilization.

Thursday - 
AM Bike - 60 min easy low Z2 recovery spin

PM Swim 
1 x 100

1 x 500 TT- 7:37 

Build up (repeat 6 times)
1 x 50yd Zipper, rest 0:10 / 50yd
1 x 50yd catch up

8 x 100yd Freestyle Swim, target time 01:35 / : 20 rest (landed 1:31-1:33)

Warm down
200 easy

Total yardage - 2200

Friday - 
AM Bike 80 mins
Z2 for 30 mins
4 x 5 min mid/high Z3
3 min Z1/Z2 recovery
Finish mid Z2

I made the roomie and I dinner to end the week

Gluten free cheyenne cornbread pancakes topped with red snapper and fruit jalapeno salsa. Washed it all down with a bottle of citrus sangria. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Getaway part two

As I waited for the train I was comforted with Mr. Pinot Noir.  The train ride from San Diego to LA was absolutely beautiful.


AM Swim at the Rose Bowl
2500 meters

300 free; 100 kick - :10 hard/ :20 easy; 200 pull

1 x 100 – 50 free; 50 fist
1 x 100 – 50 free; 50 catch up
repeat 1 x
1 x 100 kick - :30 hard/ :30 easy

Main Set
1 x 100 – breathe every 2 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 3 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 4 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 5 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 6 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 6 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 5 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 4 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 3 strokes
1 x 100 – breathe every 2 strokes

Cool down –
200 pull
200 easy

In the afternoon I went for a ride from Seal Beach. The first 90 minutes I rode alone, along a bike path. Heading out was an effortless 24-25mph, coming back was a brutal 15-16mph with wind coming from every direction. Damn you Casper! I was very happy to have company for the last hour of the ride. It was a beautiful day for riding and I enjoyed every part of it; despite being tossed around like a rag doll by the wind. 

Recovery at In-N-Out Burger! I'm a cheap date :)

Robert surprised me by taking me to a baseball game. My first real baseball game ever! I was so excited! I grew up watching the Cubbies with my dad, but I never went to a real game. The Anaheim Angels played the Oakland As. The games was everything I imagined and then some! It was such a great experience! I even had my first ballpark dog! Mmmmmmm! I defiantly want to do this more often! “Take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. I don't care if I ever get back!

Tuesday –

Swim – 2500 meters
300 free; 100 kick - :10 hard/ :20 easy; 200 pull

Main Set
6 x 150; 20 rest – descending 1-3
6 x 100 pull: 20 rest descending 1-3
6 x 50; 20 rest – descending 1-3

Cool down

In the afternoon Robert took me to the Manhattan Beach. It was sooooo beautiful, words can’t describe. I stepped into the ocean. The wet coldness sent chills up my body.  I looked down and watched the waves crash up over my feet. As this happened I felt doubt, sadness and fatigue wash away the waves, along with the beach sand. It was thoroughly a cleansing experience. 

What have a learned from this 4 day Getaway? Live for today. Not for tomorrow and not in the past. I will make the most of today. I went home with a fuller heart and a content inner-soul. Life will be lived to the fullest; one day at a time.

The Getaway part one


I knew I was going to get lost. I always get lost. I didn’t think I’d get lost 10 min into the ride. Here was the S22 and I…pedaling along I-5 in San Diego. How did this happen? Obviously I took a wrong turn! Then I made another wrong turn onto a different freeway. Agh! Miraculously I ended up finding the correct route in one piece.  The route I was taking (sub detour) was an out and back to Santee. I’d never ridden out that way and thought it was mostly flat. Until I started to ascend an 800ft mountain pass. It was a nice climb in the hot, exposed sun. 

The first thing on my mind upon reaching town was must find bathroom and water. I stopped at a fuel station. I enter and politely ask to use the restroom. The cashier says “No restroom here!” I respond back “I’m a customer and would like to buy something.” He says “No bathroom for you!” WTF?! As I leave I slip out…..”So you sit all day and piss yourself, asshole.” He stands and starts yelling at me. This is my que to get the f*** out of dodge.
The next attempt was a KFC. Thankfully these people were uber friendly, allowed me to use their facilities and even told me to “have fun ride.” Would you expect any less from Colonel. Sanders?
Re-hydrated I make my way back. I took a detour off and hit two threshold loops  (4-5 mi) on a nearby island. Upon heading home I get lost again! Ending up at Mission Beach instead of Ocean Beach. I should never end my rides with loops around an island. I always get topsy-turned backward. I call my dad for directions and make my way back. Finished the ride with a kickass 48.5 miles and had a painful sunburn.

We were supposed to BBQ but surprise, surprise. Dad is drunk again. Unmotivated to cook he ended up buying a local rotisserie chicken, potato salad and anti-pasta for dinner. I bought a bottle of Pinot Noir and dark chocolate and made the best of it.

This would have ended as an “OK” night if my dad hadn’t drank his weight. He went on his usual sob story. Apologizing for the past. I accept the past. I will not forget but I have learned how to forgive. The fact that he brings it up every time he drinks (which is every time I see him) gets on my last nerve. After never ending apologies he turns volatile and insulting. And once I’m at the point of crying he turns to the fact that he is going to die and it is going to be soon. I should feel guilty? I REALLY do not need this. I wanted to spend time with him and enjoy what time “we” have left together.
Thanks to my horse tranquilizer I was to cry myself to sleep.


I was able to get out for a ride at the crack of dawn.
I rode for about 2hr rides which included 3 hill repeats and two loops around the island. This time I did not get lost. :D. 

I landed back home at 9:00am. The plan was to go to Easter Mass with my father.  But alas it’s 9am and my dad is drunk. He had started to drink right after I had left for my ride. WTF?! What happened to not drinking before noon rule? Since he was already inebriated I was left with the responsibility of making breakfast for everyone before we left. I was looking forward to Mass but my dad had a way of running that. He took his sweet time getting ready. This made us10 mins late. We had the option of standing in the main church or taking a seat in the smaller hall. I left the decision up to him, which seated us in the smaller hall. As we sat in church he complained the entire time. He insulted the church, he insulted his lady friend and he insulted his daughter, who he never gets to see. I have never been around a man who was capable of turning every word into an insult or argument. I prayed a lot. I kept reminding myself to think of the positive. There has to be some positive. The priest must have sensed my sadness as he blessed me aside from the others. I realized that I have nothing more to say to my dad. Anything I say he turns into a fight. I just let him ramble on, smiled when I could and stayed remained silent.
Here’s a picture before church 
I take many photos with smiles. Because even if life is sucking ass, when you look back at a smile you know that inside there is happiness.

My father dropped me off at the San Diego train station. My last words to him were – "I love you. Be nice to me."

I'm really tri'ing here and I don't know what to do. I love my dad. I WANT and NEED to have a relationship with him. His behavior and actions make this extremely difficult. I'll just keep reminding myself that we are blood...and look at the smilie face on my hand.

Friday, April 22, 2011

“I'm like a Peacock – You gotta let me Fly!”

Spin - 1:30
45 min low Z2 @ 80-90 rpms
4 x 3 min mid Z3 @ 80-90 rpms /2 min Z2 in between
Finish mid Z2

In the evening I unleashed some stress in the form of laughter watching The Other Guys!
“I'm like a Peacock – You gotta let me Fly!”
“Have you done a Desk Pop today?”
“I was so drunk I thought a tub of toothpaste was astronaut food.”
I can always count on Will Ferrell to cheer me up. And what woman doesn't like looking at “The Rock”? Mmmmm, The Rock.

30 min Z2 aqua run
Followed up with.....swimming!
Warm up
• 1 x 400

Build up (repeat 2 times)
• 1 x 100yd Single Arm (arm out front) 6 x left, 6 x right, 6 x full stroke, rest 0:15 / 100yd
Freestyle using one arm at a time, focusing on shoulder and hip rotation. Complete 6 arm strokes with the left arm then 6 strokes with the right arm followed by 6 strokes using both arms. The non-stroking arm is held out front in a streamlined position.
• 4 x 50yd Freestyle DPS, rest 0:10 / 50yd
Freestyle swim with maximum Distance Per Stroke (DPS). Concentrate on long, efficient strokes and a high streamlined body position to reduce drag in the water. Count your strokes per lap and try to reduce.

• 6 x 100yd 01:35, rest 0:25
• 5 x 100yd 01:35, rest 0:20
• 4 x 100yd 01:35, rest 0:15
• 3 x 100yd 01:35, rest 0:05

Warm down
• 1 x 200 easy
Total yardage – 3000yd
Landed all on 1:34-1:35 except the last two 100s, those ended at 1:35. FYI :05 is NOT a rest!

Had an uber productive day at work creating the new Pearl Izumi F'11 product. The highlight of the day was checking the new Gore 25
th Anniversary cycling kits. DROOLING!

This kit has a ton of bling with top-of-the-line functionality to match! Gore Bike Wear is by far my #1 favorite cycling brand. You can't get better styling, functionality and comfort anywhere else. This being said from a girl who has accessibility to over 50+ cycling brands. But alas..... If I could only keep white....well white.

Post work I hit the gym for 40 mins of full body strength training. I did 2 x 20 reps with :10 rests. All free weights, body weight (but none weight/foot bearing) and cables. Feel the burn baby! 

Tomorrow I'm heading down to San Diego to ride my bike in the sun and get in some quality family time. This time WILL be BETTER then the last.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Mirror, mirror on the wall
I have no fear as I stand up tall.
I am confident and strong and with will I write.
My goals and dreams are within sight.

Training recaps

Monday -
75 mins High Z1/low Z2 spin. I flushed out all the lactic build up from the deep tissue massage. No flu symptoms this time around. I think I might be in love with my massage therapist. 
Tuesday -
50 min aqua job - intervals
20 min warm up
1min hard/ 1 min easy x 12
cool down
****Holy Moley!!!***

Swim - 2500 yards
w/u - 1 x 500  buoy

6 x 50 - 25 drill (c/u, finger,fist), 25 free; 15
Main Set
300 - every 4th 25 z3
100k - 10 sec hard/ 20 sec easy
5 x 100 (15r) - build each to z3
100k - 10 sec hard/ 20 sec easy
10 x 50 (10r) - neg split each 
cool down
200 free

Wednesday -
Long aqua run of the week - 1hr 15 min
20 min warm up
tempo - alternating Z3 / Z1-Z2 per song.
***Kicked my a$$!***10 mins of core strengthening before Swim - 2000yards
w/u - 200fr --- 300p ---

3 sets of 4 x 50 (20r)
one set=
1st- breath every stroke one side
2nd- breath every 3rd stroke
3rd- breath every 4th stroke
4th- breath every 5th stroke

500fr- buoy and paddles

200k- 30sec easy, 30sec hard ---
c/d - 200p

I'm a toasted cookie!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Something to believe in

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.

   Friday - Sleep. Hooray! For the first time in 10 days I slept 8hrs solid. I woke up and felt amazing! So amazing that I drove to the gym at 4:30am to aqua jog. 

w/u 15mins
1 x 1 x 10 = 1min Z4/Z5, 1min recovery low Z2/high Z1
5 min cool down

I then went home to sleep another hour before having to get up and go to work.

    I have a huge window behind my computer at work. I think I'm pretty lucky for this. At previous jobs I was forced to stare at white walls or even worse...the other side of a cubical. Now I get the beautiful countryside for my view. I am appreciative, I really am. I just wish Oregon didn't piss-pour down rain every freakin' day. The weather is really weighing down on me.

  I grew tired by evening. I probably need solid sleep for a couple days to catch up on all the time lost. I dragged myself to the pool and managed to knock out a short 1600y swim.

warm up - 400pull, 100k

4 x 75 (20r) - z2, 25 fr, 25 fist, 25 fr
3 x 200 (30r) - build each to z3

cool down -
50 - dolphin kick - core strength
100 - easy
50 - dolphin kick - core strength

I stretched and melted away in the sauna for 15 mins.

   Saturday - Mr. Sandman disappeared and left behind Mr. Insomnia. I hate Mr. Insomnia. I'm not supposed to take my sleep aid for more then 3 days a week max. I'm predicting Mr. Insomnia will be an unwelcome guest for the next few nights. What good are unwelcome guests? I'm going to leave a note and ask for hot coco by my bedside the next time he wakes me up.

  Stress! Agh! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with stress? (This is the current reason behind Mr. Insomnia's visits.) I'm usually good at finding solutions to my problems. Recently I've stumbled upon the fact that I am not good at handling personal stress. Which is weird, because when work gets hot with deadlines I put the fire out. I work well under pressure. But I think this is only a case with work performance and or racing. On a personal level I hold myself to a certain bar. When I don't reach that bar I get down. When I get down I stress about what I could/couldn't have done. These are things out of my control. Yet I still worry about them. Dale Carnegie wrote this great book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. I picked it up long ago but only just now have I started to read it. I'm a type-A planner. Planning is a HUGE part of my life. It's one of my main job responsibilities as a buyer. Since I am now self-coached I have to plan my training again. Ugh. (I don't regret this decision). And I have long-distance relationship with a whole lot of logistics to work out. Is planning bad? I think not. What is bad is how I deal or cope when things don't go as planned. Outside of work 90% of my life doesn't go as planned. Since I don't know how to productively deal with this, it is making a negative impact on my entire life. As I reflect back on my past I think this became habitual from unhealthy relationships and set expectations.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. 
"When you suffer an attack of nerves you're being attacked by the nervous system.  What chance has a man got against a system?"

And to answer your question...Yes, I have a stress ball. I've dug my nails into it. 

 To start the weekend off right my momma and I met up for SlappyCakes. This time around we physically made our own pancakes. The savory ones were made out of sauteed mushrooms, bacon, goat cheese in a gluten free batter and topped off with creme fresh. The sweet were dried cherries, milk chocolate chips in a gluten free batter topped off with maple syrup. 
      Here's my momma flippin' cakes. Note that I posted the successful photos :)
                 And here I am about to devour one, notice the devilish grin :)

  I am soooo tired of this weather! I took the 20% chance of rain and I took Carnage outside. Baby girl and I rode for almost 3 hours on a pretty flat route. I'm rounding off week 5 of my stress fracture. I'm still a little cautious to take on hills. I avg'd mid to high Z2 for the 49.7 mi. I would have rounded the block for the last .3 but it started to rain and 50mi really didn't mean anything to me. My avg speed was 18.3mph, which doesn't really say anything. But I figured I'd mention it as my watts are for me to know :)
  Later that evening my quads were feeling the ride. Oh my! After reviewing my power data, my normalized watts (pedal to the metal with force vs. avg watts- pedal spinning w/no force) was low zone 3. It made sense my quads were fatigue. It has been...oh say, 6 months since I've ridden that long. My muscular endurance is not what it used to be. Lesson learned. Now, time to work on changing that.

   Sunday - Was a rude awakening.  The tops of my quads and hip flexors were swollen up like they were smuggling golf balls. My lats were also fatigued from the 2+hrs of riding aero. Energy overall was low. 

   I modified my training day and cut my long aqua run down from an hour 15 to 30 minutes. This was extremely tiring. Has anyone else had the experience of aqua running? The resistance can be brutal. After the previous bike day I felt like I had been jumped by the school bully. Speaking of cutting my long run short. This is/was the perfect time to do so. After much research I think it is most beneficial for my long runs to take part mid-week. I've been training endurance for the last 4-5 years. I know I can do the distance. I know what fatigue feels like. There is no reason that my quality long distance training needs to be back to back - Sat/Sun. I think I will get more "bang for the buck" in training and in regards to staying injury free with a long weekend bike and long mid week run - all in quality. 

Post run I swam. 

Warm up
500 buoy

12 x 50 (20r) - 25 drill, 25 free
(Rotate: cu, fdrag, & fist)
8 x 100 (15r) - 2 sets of 4 x 100
set =
1st - 75 easy, 25 z5
2nd - 50 easy, 25 z5, 25 easy
3rd - 25 easy, 25 z5, 50 easy
4th - 25 z5, 75 easy

Cool down - 100 buoy

Total yardage - 2000.

   I cooked, slept and ate for the rest of the day. What's on the menu this week? Pork  chili with a chocolate, espresso twist. Low fat Alfredo made out 3 italian cheeses, ricotta, and surprise - greek none fat yogurt, accompanied with gluten free pasta, chicken and veggies. Did I mention I napped? :) Finished the night off with a 90 minute deep tissue massage. As I write, I am flooding my stomach with H2o. The goal is to flush all the lactic crap-o-la out of my system.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake.

After the weekend of fun drama filled chaos I was in dire need of my normal routine. Boring? Yes. Calming? Yes.

Wednesday - 
50 min aqua run
20 min warm up Z28 x 2 min high Z3/low Z4 picks with :90 Z2 recovery

I spent my work day back and forth from my desk to the kitchen; refilling coffee and savoring the delectable chocolates my boss brought back from Belgium. Sharing is indeed caring! Now I know what you're thinking. Cut out the caffeine in the day time and you might be able to sleep. But alas, I am in an endless toxic circle. I've gone so many days without rest I MUST have coffee in the day to survive.

In the evening I knocked out 40 mins of strength training. 2 x 20 w:20 restsUpper body free weights and or cables. Core - in the roman chair, cables and body weight. Lower body - I'm still using machines as to not bear weight on my foot - Hamstring curls, Abductor, Adductor machines. 

After my room mate and I proceeded to get sushified. 

My doc answered my crying request for sleep. It's a sad day when Ambien CR doesn't work. She prescribed another sedative. Wikipedia's description made me think I was digesting a horse tranquilizer. It helped......some. I still woke up multiple times but fell back to sleep quickly. No restless, stressed out mind. I think the waking was habitual after doing so for the last 8+ days. The second time I woke up I walked down stairs and made sugar free Hawaiian Punch. I remember that I wanted to not wake up (?????) so I kept the lights off and proceed to mix the beverage in the dark. I drank a full glass. Walked back upstairs and went back to bed. Who does that?

Thursday - Oy! I'm still hung-over from the tranquilizer. I spent my Z2 75 min spin watching IM Kona 2010. I'm 4 1/2 weeks out from stress fracture. I'm still not pushing any bike intervals. My focus this morning was to keep my cadence above 80. This was difficult. My muscles were in a drugged induced comma from the sleeping pill. My mind was kind of mushy too. But I kept focus and got it done.
Evening swim brought to you by SwimPlan

Warm Up
• 8 x 50yd Freestyle Swim (even pace), rest 0:15 / 50yd
Freestyle swim at a steady pace.
Build up (repeat 6 times)
• 1 x 50yd Front Scull and Kick, rest 0:15 / 50yd
Streamlined body position with straight arms and kicking. scull with hands flat and fingers below the wrist. Try to hold your chin on the surface of the water.
• 1 x 50yd Freestyle Push & Glide, rest 0:15 / 50yd
Freestyle swim, pausing at the end of every stroke with arms out-stretched, one held out front, the other held loosely against the body.
Main Set
• 8 x 50yd Freestyle Swim, target time 00:48 / 50yd, rest 0:10 / 50yd
- actual :46-48 (kept allotted rest)
• 4 x 100yd Freestyle Swim, target time 01:35 / 100yd, rest 0:20 / 100yd 
- actual 1:31 (kept allotted rest)
• 2 x 200yd Freestyle Swim, target time 03:10 / 200yd, rest 0:30 / 200yd 
- actual 3:03, 3:04 (kept allotted rest)
• 8 x 50yd Freestyle Swim, target time 00:48 / 50yd, rest 0:10 / 50yd 
- actual :45-46 (kept allotted rest)
Warm down
• 1 x 200yd Freestyle Easy, rest 0:20 / 200yd
Freestyle swim at a slow, relaxed pace.
Total yardage - 2800

After all this writing I am TUCKERED out! Time for bed! Au Revoir!
PS - Got my bone scan results back. My density is normal! Yay! I should have no problems making a healthy recovery.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Monday, April 11, 2011

Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.

I went on a self-discovery adventure this weekend. Here are a few of the highlights and lowlights.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what make you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

*I landed at LAX and was left all by myself. It was the most sickening, gut wrenching feeling. At this moment I lost a huge chunk of heart.  

*Never under estimate e-friendships. My buddy *fish head* provided uplifting smiles and my girlfriend Nicole allowed me to crash at her place for the night. Hun, you saved me!   

*I found myself on Crenshaw Blvd at 7:30am waiting for the rental car company to open. I must admit I was a little freaked out. It's been a long time since I've been in the hood; I've lost all my gangsta edge. I was wearing blue jeans, blue t-shirt and a red TYR hoodie. Bloods or Crips? What side would I take? I found comfort in a little Mexican restaurant. There I sat with my spicy sausage and 10-12 Mexican men. They kept referring to me as "chica bonita blanca". I wish I knew Spanish. I kept referencing what they were saying on my BB. We watched soccer/football and ate breakfast together. I think I may have been mixed in.

*After 5hrs of sleep and some mean sausage I started the 2hr drive down to a whale's vagina. San Diego.

*The point of driving down to SD was to see my dad. I haven't seen the man in Lord knows how long. We don't have the typical father- daughter relationship. He is sick and will die soon. I needed to salvage what relationship we do have and make sure we are both at peace.

*I rented a Felt S22 from Moment Cycle Sports. This baby girl was my ONLY saving grace this weekend. Saturday I went out in my Bippie Dress, white lace liner shorts and my white bolero

5 minutes out and a cyclist flipped a U-Turn, and took me on a 2+ hour hill climbing tour. I was thankful to have a local show me around. I had to bike like a girl since I'm still 4 weeks out on my stress fracture. No badass power for me. Just relentless spinning.

*The glue that kept my sanity together was composed of emails, txts and phone calls from friends and family. I love you all! Special thanks to Jesse, MJ, Lauren, Mom and Mike.

*I spent the evening reconnecting with my dad and grandpa. They both have cancer. It may be the last time I get to see either of them. My grandpa still has a full head of "Elvis" hair. Even with no teeth he still looks handsome. I felt the night called for some good 'ol Rocky Road - my dad's favorite desert.

Here's a picture of my dad on his bike - he carries beer in his basket. He taught me how to swim and bike. I'm often reminded that he "pottery trained my a**" - in his words.

*I wake up at midnight to my dad and his gf fighting. Do I need to mention the crazy b**** is 20yrs younger then he is? Anywho the drunk girl proceeded to make a scene for the next 3 hours. She is very abusive to my dad. It makes me sick to my stomach that he puts up with her. The girl was very lucky I didn't get up and kick her a**. I was VERY tempted to doing so. I'm fatigued and hostile at this point.
I finally fell back to sleep around 3:30am.

*A restless 4.5hrs later I got up and started my day with a strong cup of java and stared off into the ocean. I wished I could have been swept out to sea.

*The vitamin D lifted my spirits and I went out for another ride. This time I was all alone.
2.5hrs of MUCH needed therapy! In these photo's I'm rockin' my FAVORITE shortsleeve jersey - Icebreaker's Rhythm jersey. I heart wool! Riding in 65-70 degrees and I never felt hot. With 5 pockets I was able to hold a water bottle, my blackberry, a map, multi-tool and cc/id. I may have been able to fit the kitchen sink if I had tried. 

*I arrived home to find my dad drinking/drunk again. If I was dating such a nut job I might do the same. Wait.....I'll retract that statement. I have my own relationship issues at hand....hence broken heart. Anywho, his child-like behavior got on my last nerve. He was supposed to take me to return my bike. This is one of the many reasons we do not have a relationship. He has no sense of responsibility and I am just not OK with this. After the ride, lack of sleep, travel, and emotional stress my energy was at sub zero. Then he forced me to see my sister who avoided seeing me the night before. Awesome. The last time I heard from her she wrote me a "hate" email on my birthday. I did NOT choose this side of the family.

*Hoping to salvage what little heart I had left I opted to leave San Diego a few hours early and head back to LAX. No one was waiting for me in LA. Ugh, sad. I sat at LAX for the next 3.5hrs and filled my heart with Vodka. I ended up in the fetal position in the corner and got in a much needed 30 min nap.

I followed my heart and I went to LA. Although it hurt, a lot, I accomplished what I needed to.
"Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love all the pieces fit but when your heart get broken, it takes awhile to get everything back together."

Today is day 7 with a batting avg of 4-6hrs of sleep per night. I'm praying I will get some Zzzzzs tonight.  

Friday, April 8, 2011

I live

Life to the FULLEST and with PASSION. When you lose heart you lose everything.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Running down a dream and trying to catch some Zzzzzz.

Sleep deprivation feels like a never ending nightmare. But unlike a nightmare sleep deprivation is real.

I was so tuckered last night. I passed out as soon as I laid my head upon my pillow. Falling asleep was not the problem. Insomnia wasn't a problem. My mind was exhausted. The problem lied within my soft tissue. Any movement and I would wake with a dull aching pain in my back and shoulders. I tried adjusting my pillow position several times but nothing worked. 11:50, 1:15, 2:45, 5:10 I had enough and got up for the day.

I don't think it's good to arrive at a location and not remember driving yourself. Especially when the drive was almost an hour long. This girl – finger pointing at moi, had two at-fault accidents last year. A third would not make a charm for my pocket book. I don't know how I went from zero in twenty-nine years to two in one year.

Another visit with a new PT. This one uplifted my mood, just a little.

My soft tissue pain went away an hour or two after waking. The fatigue from the lack of zzzzz's stuck around all day. 3 cups of coffee, a five hour energy and I made it through the day.

I decided to make the most of the Twilight Zone spin and took a nap in my aero bars. I'm always surprised at how comfort my TT can be....or how tired I am.

A muscle relaxer and off to bed I go.....
"What is the opposite of two? A lonely me and a lonely you."