That's what I have, blah.
It really hit me Monday morning....the start to my off season. I woke up and realized someone had thrown water on my fire. I'm supposed to take it easy for 26 days. I'm supposed to let my body and mind recover and heal from the last 10 months of crazy training. I know it's good for me, I know it's best....but then can someone tell me why I feel heart broken and crappy? I have this emptiness inside, it feels like my one true love has dumped me off in the gutter to rot alone. Ok, maybe that's a little drastic but I am blue, I have the right to have my own little mellow dramatic pity party. The last few days I have tried to stay positive. Tuesday I ran and did Pilates, today I spun and swam, all with little effort. I thought doing a little unorganized fitness would turn my frown upside down, but alas it didn't. I can't just do easy fitness....I need goals, I need a challenge. I want to let the animal out from inside. Yet if I did, I wouldn't do the kind of damage I should. I'd maybe crawl to the finish with my tail between my legs. Although I have hunger inside I am weak. Weak and tired. I know I need rest. Every night I come home and all I want to do is sleep and eat. I'm lacking motivation in everything outside of work and training. My hunger has been insatiable which is really annoying. I'm exhausted yet fueled, I'm conflicted and don't know how to resolve. I want to crawl up in a ball and go to sleep....alone and cold. G'night.