Wednesday, January 5, 2011

For the love of.....

Oh you people! Muah!

It's hard to write when everything you've ever written about is gone. 99% of what I've blogged has gone back to triathlon. And yes, I do consider drinking alcohol the 4th unspoken discipline in triathlon. :P The question I ask myself is "Have I trained in the last year?" Yes. So logic tells me that I should be able to write. BUT logic doesn't account for human emotion. I have lost most of the love I had for the sport. Being stuck in the vortex know as Zone 1/Zone 2 can drive a person mad. And not racing for a year? What do you think that does? I've never been one to sit on the side lines.....watching and supporting. Yet that has been 2010 in a nutshell. If we got medals for cheering I think I would have received a gold for all the IMs I went to and supported. I once again circle back to the "Negative Nelly". If you don't have anything positive to say/write then don't say anything at all....so I've been quiet. I've always been a proud person. Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins and once my pride was diminished I understood why.

Now that I have no pride my confidence is shot. I'm scared of everything. Do you have any idea what it's like to confess that to the world? Humbling to say the least, eh?

But alas.....I still have hope. There is no hope mingled with fear and no fear unmingled with hope. AND thankfully I'm paying someone to provide the confidence I can't achieve on my own right now. We all need a helping hand at one time or another.

I have races planned for this year. I will be back. Hopefully sooner than later.
Thank you for all your kind words.

6 comments:

nrmrvrk said...

I love reading your posts. I hope you're on the road back to training, racing, Zones 3 and 4.

Ryan said...

Even negative blog entries incite positive reinforcement. Keep it up! You are doing a great job!

SquirrelHead said...

Leave last year in the past and focus on the year ahead that is going to be so much better. If it makes you feel better, I am sure that you could still crush me in your zone 1/zone 2.

Marv said...

Doesn't sound like you are scared of "everything." You are not afraid to admit fear.

n8 soul said...

ive thrown a challenge out to you on my blog sort of a motivational thing to get me off my a$$ and training. check it out.

n8

Warrior said...

Hey I have been reading backwards... thinking of you a lot. I have flu, asthma and sinus infections too at the moment. It sucks... Do you really lose what you have put in in the past? Really?...