Friday, June 4, 2010

At Peace

Inhale....
Exhale....
Inhale...
Exhale....

Breathing....so slowly but deeply. I am alive.
I've been knocked down. In fact I've been knocked out. I've seen darkness and walked along the shadows of despair and pain.
I've been reached out to and touched. You learn who your friends and family are when you're sitting along the sidelines unable to get up on your own. Calls, emails and random drive-by's have not gone unnoticed. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. But why all of this? Why now?

Since I've been MIA for some time you may ask what? I'll tell you what. Achillies tendonitis with multiple shots of cortisone injections. Reynaud's Syndrome so bad I had frost bite on two of my toes and risked losing them. Positive blood testing that could lead into an auto immune disorder. Canceling my first HIM of the season Wildflower. Canceling my A race IM of the year IMCdA. Losing my entire race season.....

BUT there is a light at the end as I no longer have tunnel vision. Without my head buried in training I have been able to see a bigger picture. I was able to support my room mate for her first marathon. I was able to cheer on my co-workers during the annual team building triathlon. I have kept my soul sane with lots of cooking and oil pastel painting. Sorry, about the lack of writing....my heart just hasn't been in it. I have maintained aerobic fitness and kept my physical health in check with lots 'o aqua running, zone 1&2 mind numbing spins, pilates, endless pull sessions in the pool (I have been pulling for 6 weeks now!) and weight lifting. My strength is slowly building and my health is slowly VERY slowly coming back. I have learned to be patient. I can forecast a bigger picture and not allow the setback to anchor me any longer. I could not accomplish this alone. I have a coach that I trust. Not only will her guidance make me healthy but one day I will be stronger than I ever was. I have had friends get up at the crack of dawn to AQUA RUN with me. Others have spent hours on the trainer with me or out riding stuck in Z1/Z2. Then there's the emails, the phone calls and the unexpected visits. The heart that turned black and hard has softened a bit and starting to beat to sound of the bass drum again.

Ah, I always ramble on and forget my point ....EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. My mom and I have grown close in the last few years....but never as close as we are now. I can honestly THANK my injury for our relationship. She has been there for me, endlessly and unselfishly. She's gone with me to open water swim/aqua run to support me while I spent 2 hours out in a lake. She blew on the back of my legs when I burned myself with ointment that was applied to massive chafing induced from aqua running in a wetsuit. She made chocolate flourless cake! She is my partner in crime for Thai cuisine and knows how to get sushified. She learned how to aqua run with me....and will soon learn how to swim :) Most all she makes me smile when I cry. I love you mom, thank you.

My momma and I two nights before IMC.


I will be away from the blogspot for while until I find the writing mojo I once had.

PS-
I am still signed up for IM Silverman - Nov 2010. I'm hoping to prance on my legs sometime soon. I'm keeping my chin up and wishing on a shooting star.

3 comments:

cherelli said...

I was just wondering yesterday how you were faring KitKat, so sorry to hear of the not-so-good news. But on the other hand it's sometimes "nice"(in hindsight) to be forced to learn more about yourself and spend more time with others...and I'm impressed with your Zone1/2/pull afforts in the meantime - those are no mean feats of mental strength! I hope the light keeps getting brighter for you...

ian said...

Glad to hear youre still alive. Your injuries will heal up and you will be good to go before too long! I know when I injured my knee ever since then Ive learned to be careful about adding volume and running. Going to 50 miles a week after never having run within 3 months was too much. :). Keep your head up.

Marv said...

Much was learned that can't really be totally explained after I had to stop training and skip my half ironman because of my Mother's illenss and surgery. Then I could not pick it up again quickly as I had to have rotator cuff surgery. Just now getting something back, I can understand to some degree. While it did gvie me a renewed and more complete perspective on life, it also gave me such a heightened appreciation that I can still do this. And building back is enlivening in itself.