Thursday, February 3, 2011

Too much TV

I was watching Ironman Western Australia on my DVR during my spin the other night. Normally I just fast forward through the commercials. This night I happened to zone out and a few caught my attention.

"Get BIGGER, HARDER and STRONGER!" My first thought was this was a male enhancement infomercial. Bigger, harder, stronger would naturally entice any female so I left the channel where it was...hoping for a little excitement other then the lackluster feeling my saddle was providing.

"If you're ready to get crazy, check out the mother of all workouts" - ooooh you tease! Doooo tell!
"11 minute" - oh snap! You lost my attention there. The informercial then went on to your typical easy way out workout. You know what I'm talking about. First there was 7 min abs, then 6 min 5 min abs. But with moves like "The Warrior", "The Demon", "The Freak" you can become a shredded machine in just 11 mins! Lol. I don't know about a machine but with moves like that I'm sure you could find an agent down in Mexico to represent you in the WWF.

The best part? The "unit" arrives 100% assembled with a picture book of each move. That means you don't have to know how to use "man" tools and even the illiterate can become "shredded machines". Hear that guidette's? Perfect for the your musclehead juicehead!

The best part? Get BIGGER, STRONGER and HARDER in 30 days or your money back. How does one judge that? I wonder how many people have tried to cash in on that guarantee.

"Jake" even had the audacity to challenge me at the end of the ad. Taunting "Let's go princess". Really? You don't want none of KitKat.

"It's T-Shirt Time!" immediatly segued into Slim Tees.
Is that how "The Situation" gets his famous abs? All of Jersey boys throw on their man girdle before hitting the club?
I love the product reviews.
"In 2 minutes slim tees solved a 20 year problem." - I just don't know how to respond to this. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
"The job market out there is really tough, and with the Slim Tees I look good. I felt good and that's why I got the job." - What he doesn't tell you is this infomercial is the job he landed. Way to go!

The best thing about this product is they disclose their secret - 12 specially engineered structured panels - Ha! Is this the way to the 2011 twelve pack? Situation? spin was cut short due to a flat during my 2nd Z4/Z5 interval. For the love of?!How do you get a flat going nowhere? Everything happens for a reason. My sanity was clearly gone.


n8 soul said...

geeze i cant believe people buy this stuff, no substitute for good ole fashion hard work. you cant buy your way out no one will do the work for you no electric girdle or ultrasonic thingy, just sweat and work then do it some more, im training crossfit and its very old school ropes, bars, rings, tires, plates and lots and lots of reps, hardest hour of my frigin life but hurts so good

Warrior said...

"Bigger, harder, stronger would naturally entice any female so I left the channel where it was...hoping for a little excitement other then the lackluster feeling my saddle was providing."
Lmao, you are starting to sound like Jtrimom.......brilliant, a little too much information for some people but brilliant none the less. I reckon they spend so much on these rediculous informercials, because so few idiots,........sorry.............sofew people who know so little about their bodies, think hey, I can do that.......but lazy is lazy does. Too lazy to work out, too lazy to claim the 30 day guarantee. You could try a Hutchinson Fusion 3, kevlar coated tire for your trainer.....Ahem, they claim they are puncture resistant.

n8 soul said...

Helloooo write something damn it :) will you still be at wildflower?

SquirrelHead said...

You didn't get trapped in your new Tower 200 did you? I hope all is going well with your recovery.