What goes up must come down.

Sunday Ride - 45 miles - 3200+ of elevation gain


4 hill repeats
Springville - 13 mins /190w avg Z4 - nice, constant and steady
McNamie aka mother***** - 21 mins/ 181w avg Z4 - when 2 out of 4 of the riders curse going up you know you've chosen a good hill. Although I did FEEL BAD as this was Sue's recovery ride.
Old Germantown Rd - 12 mins / 181w avg Z4 - this hill is always a creeper...Dean found this out as he had "issues" steering up a hill.
Thompson - 11 mins / 187w avg Z4...the last 400 meter climb is a BEOTCH

Got a good amount of climbing in today but more importantly I think I have made progressive improvement in my descending. Don and Sue took me under their wing and gave me pointers throughout the ride. I descended down Newberry 5 -8 mph faster than my norm! The best part was that I felt less less scared doing so. Continual practice will make perfect. My thighs on the other hand are now screaming (and not in a good way!) from clenching on to the darn saddle so much. I feel like I've been doing a thigh master all day!

Sue brought along Flat Stanley for the adventure - the picture was taken at the top of climb #1 - Springville


My buddy Dean had his longest bike ride today. My roommate Jesse had her longest run. Somewhere in the middle I faced a very difficult fear. And a cherry on top the Sunday - at happy hour a she-man hit on Jesse's friend Heather and our waiter hooked us up! Cream puffs on the house! Lol, today was an adventurous, good day. I wouldn't change my life for the world.

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are."

Amongst good company

AM Run - Leif Erickson 10 miles/ 1:21/ 8:05 avg
I had the pleasure of running with Sue, Don and Rufio this morning. Having friends by your side (or in my case in front on me :)) is a nice security blanket when "babying" a reoccurring pain in the foot/heel. Leif was absolutely gorgeous today. The bright sun was out and shinning through the forest. How could this run not be anything but grand?
I took the first half up moderately easy. It was moderately from a muscular standpoint I was never taxed. Cardiovascular happens to be another story. My HR was high, yet again :(. Allergies, medicine and the end of a hard 2 week build week will do that to ya. I decided to just "run" with it, if you will. At the 5 mile turn around point my heel/foot/calf felt ok, so I decided to throw an interval or two in. I took the next mile comfortable and then kicked up my pace for mile 7. Took mile 8 easy and then hit it hard for the last 2 miles. Every time I kicked up the pace Rufio would come running along by my side. He appeared to run so effortlessly as I was pushing my limits. How was this little puggle running this fast!? I finished feeling accomplised. My heel was a little annoyed at the end. It simmered down with a nice, cold ice pack and some vitamin I. As a reward for pushing my pace I let Rufio lick my empty yogurt cup :)

Post run Sue made us a delightful veggie omelets for recovery and Don shared his special honey comb honey and natural PB. Mmmmm, PB. Don then took the next hour or so fixing all the quirks on my road bike. I took lots of notes. Sue gave me her old aero bars. Yay! My TT will be out of commission until I figure out what's wrong with my power tab hub. I'm really happy to have aeros on my road bike; it's a comfort zone for me....aero bars and power.

Thanks Sue and Don for the great company, great food, GU and all the help! Can I be adopted?

My allergies kicked into high gear by mid day and fatigue started to set it.
This called for a 30 min power nap!

PM Swim - I was lucky enough to get my buddy Joe to join me for evening swim

Warm up
1 x 500

Drills
1 x 200 - 50 A-ok, 50 fist, 50 finger drag, 50 catch up; :20 rest
1 x 100
1 x 200 - 50 A-ok, 50 fist, 50 finger drag, 50 catch up; :20 rest
1 x 100

Main Set
5 x 50 land on :50/ :10 rest - 46, 47, 47, 48, 47
4 x 100 land on 1:40 / :20 rest - 1:36, 1:37, 1:37, 1:36
2 x 200 land on 3:30/ :30 rest - 3:14, 3:15
5 x 50 land on :50/ :10 rest - :47, 48, :46, :47, :49

Cool down
1 x 100 easy
2 x 50 on back dolphin kick

Total yardage 2600

I don't know where the **** my energy in the water came from tonight. My form felt point on and I never felt fatigued during the swim. Post swim we both got sushified. Mmmmmmm sushi.

I am really thankful to have such great training buddies. Here's to tomorrow!

Another day, another workout...or two

AM Spin - 90 mins with Z4 intervals

15 min warm up
10 x :30 one legged drills
5 min float
3 x 10:00 Z4 intervals w/ 5:00 floats (184ish avg w/ at 76 rpms)
5 x 1:30 Z4 with 1:00 floats

Extra rest was good as I *think* I executed the workout. I say think because my b***a** power tap died again, 40 mins into the workout. AGH! Mother****er!!!!! I was weary of this...so luckily for me I noted gear and cadence on my first interval which had me with a 184 avg. My Z4 is 175-195, so as long as I could keep that 3 more times I'd be good. Calculating cadence in your head while exerting high energy is a mind f***.
This workout was fueled by Tupac's lyrics and some emotional BS that I am trying to keep under control.

Evening Swim

Warm up
4 x 100 :15 rest

Drills
2 x 50 catch up :10 rest
2 x 50 finger drag :10 rest
4 x 50 DPS :10 rest

Main Set
4 x 200 pull buoy: 30 rest
3 x 200 paddles : 30 rest

Cool down
1 x 100 easy
2 x on back dolphin kick

Total = 2400 yards

Know thy self

Eh, sleep was N/A. It was difficult to put my mind to rest. All the extra strength SleepyTime tea in the world couldn't help. Once it finally settled down my legs spoke up. My ankle/heel had hurt post run last night. I was afraid of this, but more I was afraid of what I'd wake up to. So throughout the night I kept focus on rolling my ankle around and stretching out my foot, as not let the muscles tighten up. I think I finally went down for the count around 3:00am. At 5:30 I was rudely awoken by my annoying alarm clock. Fatigue was present but pain in my foot/leg was not. I'll take the lessor of the two evils.

AM Spin
75 mins steady Z2 - Avg watts 145

Spin was great recovery on my legs from run speed work the night prior. As the day went on I slowly died. My energy faded into nothing and my upper body burned like an inferno in hell from yesterday's swimming. The aftermath of 2 high intensity/quality workouts were now reaping wrath upon my body and soul. I had a swim on the agenda for the evening but opted against it.
Quality Vs. Quantity
I am in the power/strength building phase of first part of my season. Rest and recovery to execute key workouts is needed.
So instead I will Trigger Point and stretch while watching a badass ultra marathon movie - Running The Sahara.

I'm happy I can say "when"

HR is rising!

AM Swim
Warm up
1 x 200

Main Set

5 x 50 - land on :50/ :10 rest - 47, 47, 49, 47, 48
4 x 100 - land on 1:40/:20 rest - 1:40, 1:39, 1:40, 1:40
3 x 200 - land on 3:25/:25 rest - 3:20, 3:19, 3:22
2 x 300 - land on 5:10/:30 rest - 5:02, 4:59
3 x 200 - land on 3:25/:25 rest - 3:18, 3:20, 3:23
4 x 100 - land on 1:40/:20 rest - 1:38, 1:37, 1:37, 1:39
5 x 50 - land on :50/ :10 rest - :49, :47, :50, :50, :49

Cool down
2 x 50 on back dolphin kick

Total yardage = 3500
Avg HR 162/ Max HR 178
This workout was a challenge. Ladders are always a mindf**** IMO.

PM Run
2 loops - 6 miles out side the Nike campus - 7:40 avg
Avg HR 178/Max HR 189

I've been sticking to the Nike outer perimeter lately. It's close to home and easy to add or cut short mileage depending on how my foot/calf feels. Tonight my legs turned into wings and I flew. From a muscular standpoint I felt great, cardio on the other hand was a nightmare. For the life of me I could not get my HR down. Damn you Sudafed, damn you to hell! I had to stop several times as I felt my asthma kicking in and I forgot to take my inhaler prior and didn't have it on me. I figured allowing myself a few extra seconds of rest to get my breathing under control was better than passing out on the side walk in the dark due to an asthma attack.

Today was a challenging daily double.

For every negative there is a positive

AM Spin - 90 mins

15 min warm up
10 x :30 one legged drills

20 x 1:00 Z5+ intervals (210-230w) w/ 2:00 floats

5 min cool down

These were not as hard as I had anticipated them to be....not saying that by number 17 it wasn't a struggle.
I have found myself to be physically stronger when faced w/ emotional adversity.....oh I was just REALLY high of Sudafed. Damn allergies!

ACHOO!

AM Swim

Warm up
1 x 500

Drills
1 x 200 - 50 A-ok, 50 fist, 50 finger drag, 50 karate - :10 rest
1 x 100 focusing on form from drills
repeat 1 x

Main Set
1 x 200 - first 100 fast/last 100 easy (positive split) :20 rest
1 x 200 - first 50 easy/ 100 fast / 50 easy (even split) :20 rest
1 x 200 - first 100 easy/ last 100 fast :20 rest
repeat 2 x

Cool down
1 x 100 easy
4 x 50 on back dolphin kick

Total yardage - 3200

AM Run
6 miles easy - 8:10 pace
Ankle was a little tender here and there but my heel and calves felt fine. Ice and trigger point now.

I'm lovin this bought of vitamin D in the sky, unfortunately my allergies are not in agreement. I can not stop sneezing!

She's got legs and she knows how to use them

3 hour bike
41.5 miles - 3 big climbs with 3100+ ft of elevation gain


Today it was just Feltalia and I....and this fiery foreign object I think some refer to as the sun
Climb #1 aka Thompson came 15-20 mins in and lasted for a solid 20 mins - avg watts 190 = Z4


Hit the Skyline roller to descend on Newberry. This sucked ass. It's so steep and curvy and I'm such a little b****. My fingers were frozen by the end of the descent and braking became painful. Eh....I was happy to be along the dirty HWY 30.
Climb# 2 aka Logie Trail

All I had to say was - Bring it B****

The first mile up is never that bad. It's the last 1/2 mile that hands it to ya. Thankfully I got a call from my buddy Mark and had Kill Bill's theme soundtrack playing as I slowly (I do mean 4.5-5 mph!) pedaled my way up the road. Avg watts came to 193 -Z4 for the 20 min climb duration. I only was forced out of my saddle twice - a new PR on that road for me. One day I will do the whole thing sitting, one day I say.
Alas - Victory is mine

Skyline went onto Old Cornelius HWY and the up Germanton to my 3rd and last climb - #3 Old Germantown Road.

This little number lasted 15 mins with a 187 average - Z4
Upon reaching Skyline I was happy to have knocked out all three climbs. I hit the rollers a bit longer and the descended home.

Summary
41.5 miles - 3100ft of climbing
Max watts 332, Avg normalized watts (pedal watts) 158, Avg watts 135
Max HR 179, Avg HR 147
20 mins over 195 watts Z5 Threshold
60 mins over 180 watts Z4 tempo

I had a few goals for this ride
1. Get my tail outside! - Mission accomplished
2. Successful conquer 3 big climbs - Mission accomplished
3. Have good energy/hydration/nutrition - Mission accomplished
4. Not to push my limits on a single climb as my muscles have been a little pissy per say and I don't want to provoke an injury - Mission accomplished. I took all climbs in the saddle in my "easy" gears. My achillies never whined :) although my quads did holler now and then.
5. Address fears - riding alone, descending and facing one massive climb that always makes me weak in the knees - missiong accomplished.

I have to say - Today was a good day!

History repeats its self...or does it?

Today I found myself doing something that I never ever wanted to do again.....Aqua running. In fact it turns out it was this same time last year that I found myself in the pool...hours on end, running back and forth....forth and back.....loosing my mind. My achillies has turned into a pissy little b**** and if I ever want to run without this annoying pain I have to give it time to loosen up and heal. So in this case, does history repeat itself? Yes and No. Yes I will turn to the pool to get my run on - yet again. No, I will not allow a small injury to turn into something big and take my tail out of the game.

Aqua Run
15 min warm up
30 x 25 yards sprints w/:20-:30 recoveries (this s*** is hard! HR Peaked 170ish on each sprint)
10 min cool down

Not only does aqua running keep up my run form, endurance and power but it's a serious mind f***. Talk about mental toughness!

I feel Icky, oh-so Icky

Sleep last night was pretty much N/A. My legs couldn't their sweet spot. The lower half twitched and spasmed all throughout the night. I also had to get up 5 times to go pee. Note to self- do not do any kind of muscle rehab at night

AM Lackluster SWIM
Warm Up
1 x 500

Drills
1 x 50 DPS; 0:10
1 x 50 6R, 5L, 6 both arms; 0:00
repeat 6 x

Main Set
2 x 200 - pull buoy; 00:30
5 x 100 - paddles - 00:20
repeat 1 x

Cool down
4 x 50 back dolphin kick

Total yardage - 3100
Legs felt like anchor weights - even with the buoy. By the end of the main set my upper body felt heavy as well.

Pike's Place is elixir or the Gods
Interesting conversation at Starbucks this morning
Dude - "Is that your first Venti?"
Me - "No. I've been up since 4"
Dude - "Right on!, This is my second as well. Have you accomplished much?"
Me - "Swam 3100 yards and got some one on one action with my Trigger Point. You?"
(odd look on dudes face) Dude - "Oh, I biked this morning (huge grin!).....(he pauses for a moment)...All we need now is a runner and we could do one of those crazy triathlons."
Me....(I laugh) "Yea, something like that :D. Have a great day!"
Dude - "You too rockstar!"

As the day went on my legs slowly started to feel better while the rest of my body felt exhausted and pukey. Welcome post ART - flu like symptoms. Lactic poisoning- Ugh!

Evening spin - 60 mins
Easy lactic flush - avg watts 135
I don't think my HR ever went above 140.
My legs are thanking me for the spin. They feel much better. My body still feels like I have the flu - Ick. I'm hoping this chocolate ice cream and good sleep will make a girl feel better.

Free Fallin'

AM Swim

Warm Up
1 x 500

Drills
1 x 50 - finger drag 0:10
1 x 50 - catch up 0:10
repeat 6 x

Main Set
5 x 100 - leave on 2:00 (1:36, 1:37, 1:37, 1:38, 1:37)
5 x 100 - leave on 1:55 (1:37, 1:36, 1:36, 1:40, 1:38)
5 x 100 - leave on 1:50 (1:35, 1:39, 1:38, 1:41, 1:40)
Cool down
4 x 50 on back dolphin kick

Total yardage 2800

PM Run -
2 mile barefoot run along the track - 8:10 avg PE easy
Hard effort up and back down Twilliger - 5.3 miles
7.3 total
Avg HR 175/Max 186

After running barefoot on the track I felt like Tinker Bell floating up the Twilliger hills as I hoped upon my toes. 15 minutes up I feel a little taxed. Look down at my trusty Polar and I'm rockin a 180 HR. Hmmmm...my mind was elsewhere I don't recall pushing that hard. As I hit the half way point I start to suffer a bit. My arch nemesis B**** A** Achilies decided to scream some bloody murder. I tried to sweet talk it with some Trigger Point action when we got home but it wasn't feelin it. On I ran and just tuned out the heel pain, as I'm dealin with my own internal pain. With less than 3/4 of a mile to go I see a pack of runners winding down the path. I'm not sure what got ahold of me but at this point I felt like I had transformed into a wild animal. I was going to catch that pack. I leaned forward, chest puffed out like a proud peacock and kicked up my turnover, watch out B****es here I come. To my surprise I caught them (they were far ahead!) and flew past.......reached my car and spent the next 2-3 minutes hurled over on the verge of vomiting everywhere. I AM FREE!

If you can’t excel with talent, triumph with effort

AM Spin - 60 mins with Z4 intervals
15 min wu
3 x 10 min Z4 intervals #1 172, #2 171, #3 169 w/ 5 min floats

Max watts 198, avg watts 149
Max HR 171, avg HR 156

Mission failed :(
Z4 for me 172-180w. I struggled on each interval. I woke up with stiff, tight legs. Not legs that wanted to spin. Yet I still got on the bike and "tri'd" my best. Maybe next time?

Weekend Recap

Saturday - AM Spin
2.5 hour spin Z2 steady endurance - avg watts 149
40 mins in I had a lake forming around the trainer. If I had been smart I would have asked for electrolytes...which I had forgotten. At 1:30 in I started to feel the fatigue of being dehydrated. Sue was kind enough to share her electrolyte pills, unfortunately I was too far gone at this point. 2:15 in and I hit a massive wall. My HR was steady at 170 and I was feeling pukey - ick. I counted each and every dreadfully long minute watching my watts, making sure not to drop. 2:30 - mission pathetically accomplished. I hate bonking! What's worse was that it was so easily preventable.

Sunday - Hallmark VD Holiday

AM run
10 mile Z2 at 8:00s - The biggest struggle was adjusting to the higher HR. I'm used to running low 150s to mid 160s. Today I avg'd 174.
I found company 2 miles in...whom doubled back to run with me for a couple miles and then again new company 6 miles in....who dropped me in 2 miles. Single athlete's looking for love in all the wrong/right places. Kind of weird saying sorry "I'm seeing someone"....who happens to be pretty much N/A :(.

PM Swim

Warm up
1 x 500

Drills
2 x 50 steamline kicking; 0:15 rest
1 x 100 paddles; 0:15 rest
2 x 50 finger drag; 0:15 rest
1 x 100 buoy; 0:15
repeat 1 x

Main Set
5 x 200 leave on 4:00
3 x 200 leave on 3:50
2 x 200 leave on 3:40

Cool down
2 x 50 on back dolphin kick
1 x 100 easy free

Total yardage 3500

I swam side by side with another Ironman - It was good to be in good company.

Knowledge when understood is Power

60 min AM Spin - Lackluster sums it up. Thankfully it's recovery week.

Warm up
1 x 500

Drills
1 x 50 - DPS 00:10 -
1 x 50 single arm- 6L, 6R, 6B, 00:10
repeat 6 x

Main Set
1 x 200 - A-ok, Fist, Karate, Free 00:15
3 x 100 - Paddles 00:15
6 x 50 - 1 -3 progressive, 4-6 progressive.
repeat 1 x

Cool down
4 x 50 on back dolphin kick

Total yardage 2900

*******************
Got my Vo2 retested. Not really sure what to think of it, will have to give it a few days to absorb. My consensus at this time is I have been lazy...it's time to kick the game up a notch or two.

1:40 on repeat

Warm up
1 x 200

Main Set

5 x 50 - land on :50/ :10 rest - 47,49,50, 48,49
4 x 100 - land on 1:40/:20 rest - 1:37, 1:38, 1:37, 1:37
3 x 200 - land on 3:25/:25 rest - 3:20, 3:21, 3:20,
2 x 300 - land on 5:10/:30 rest - 5:05, 5:07
3 x 200 - land on 3:25/:25 rest - 3:23, 3:25, 3:24,
4 x 100 - land on 1:40/:20 rest - 1:39, 1:40, 1:41, 1:41 - Uh-oh! I'm slippin - I gave myself an extra :30 rest at the end
5 x 50 - land on :50/ :10 rest - 48,50,47, 49,50

Cool down
2 x 50 on back dolphin kick

Total yardage = 3500

3100 yards - hit all but two on a 1:40 or less per 100
Note to self - Anything over 3k w/speed requires breakfast in the AM!!!

The End

...of another building block.

Today was the final day of my first block of phase 2.

2 hour LSD run - lol, LSD my a=tail!
I hit the trail, dehydrated and semi-hungover from the previous night's therapeutic binge session. Mark went one way, I went the other and Jesse followed - we all did our own thing, reuniting here and there along the way. The first 10 minutes sucked, I was fatigued and my heart was covered in acid, literally. Wildwood was muddy and provided more of a challenge then I was looking for. I ended up running the 2 hours w/a tempo HR mainly staying around 160-170, not what one would call LSD. Tempos would push me around 170-180 and usually lasted 10-15 minutes at a time, I had 6 or 7 of these w/ floats around 145-155. Ended w/ a 165 avg and a peak of 183, I was SPENT.

Recap of my first build phase -
Running - started barefoot running again, added tempo runs and hill repeats. All runs ended in success with either efficiency, or strength building.
Bike - Hill repeats, Big ring intervals, one-legged drills and max wattage intervals. All bikes ended successful hitting target watts and duration
Swim - Timed intervals, efficiency and strength building drills
Nutrition - I am now able to hit an hour power workout in the AM w/out breakfast. I am no longer waking in the middle of the night hungry :). My RMR recommendation turned out to be successful :)

This last week I lost my sanity and had an emotional breakdown and still managed to execute my training/goals.
I am productively dealing with adversity, w/a little emotional venting/blogging "As long as you keep getting reborn, it's ok to die sometimes."

I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.

AM Swim

Warm up
1 x 600 - easy

Drills
1 x 50 - streamline kicking: 00:50
1 x 100 - 00:15
1 x 50 - finger trail; 00:10
1 x 100 - 00:15
repeat 1 x

Main Set

10 x 50 - land on 50: - 00:10 rest
4 x 100 - land on 1:40 - 00:20 rest
2 x 200 - land on 3:20 - 00:30 rest
10 x 50 - land on 00:10 rest

Cool down
4 x 50 on back dolphin kick
1 x 100 - easy

Total yardage - 3300

Post swim breakfast - Banana Pancakes w/agave nectar and chia seeds

Late morning bike ride -
Met Sue, Don and Dean for a 2 hr bike - no rain, yay!
Climbing Peets Mountain twice - boooo. Hehe, not really a boo. Did you read that? I laughed :) Yay! Laugh now but not while climbing Peets. The first side we climbed up was steeper and shorter. I made the mistake of going up two gears shy of the granny and mashed for the first couple minutes. My quads shouted "WTF?! Woman" and I shifted down as soon as feasibly possible. I attempted to "draft" behind Sue but realized that doesn't really work when you're climbing up hill at 5 mph! Alas we reach the top....and I was breathless, in a good way!
We descended down Peets and once again I was reminded of my number one weakness. Oh I was pathetic, pathetic at best. But it's ok, it's only my 2nd ride out doors of the season. I will find my way, all in due time.
The climb back up less difficult. It was longer and rollers provided a short recovery from each climb. The therapy season I had on the way up was an extra bonus.
Back down we went...as I came around the bridge back up to climb I was overwhelmed by a smell. It came from lilacs and reminded me of my mom's garden and making mud pies when I was a kid behind the house. It's kind of funny the memories that smell will bring up. Anywho, the pleasant smell and memory brought another smile to my face.
One more moderate grade/ longer climb and we cruised our way back to the car.

Recovery came with good friends and one bad ass Shrimp Diablo at Baja Fresh.

Ride data
2hrs
27.18 miles - lots o climbing - wish I had the elevation gain.
Max watts 427 (in the saddle!, yay baby!), Norm avg watts 155, avg watts 135
Max HR 178 (first climb up Peets), Avg HR 145

I am so fatigued at this point I'd have issues spelling my own name backwards, hence why my blogs usually have so many grammar errors and typos. I have started on the Four Loko's and will either end the night passed out somewhere I am not familiar with, or riding a mechanical bull. Let the festivities begin!

Bosom Buddies...Laverne & Shirley aka Mark and Jesse

I'm referring to my room mate(s). For this last week (only) I have had two. I've decided to spotlight them both on this blog episode. Why? because they seriously kick ass.

I've been walking around as the "dark cloud" for the last 2-3 days and these two have been my ray of sunshine.
On night one we broke out the Crown Royal, Vodka and salted chocolate covered almonds. I had to drink, it was the only way to stop the flood gates from my eye sockets.
Mark stood on standby incase I needed a ride to the airport the next day.
On the second night, the two of them invaded my room as I was having yet another emotional breakdown- again with those damn chocolate covered almonds and this time wine. I had enough strength to decline both - mostly because I wanted to pull my head out of my ass go to work in the morning.

I do not enjoy being woken up by the random giggle/shriek outburst or rough housing (Mark!) or pot and pans being dropped around. But I can deal with it.....as they can deal w/me and my toxic negativity.

They both have listened to my whining and provided honest advice, sometimes not always requested but always appreciated. One's a cynic(although in a loving relationship) and the other an endless hopeful romantic. A defrosted heart has turned me into a combination of the two. Once a heart has fire it is hard to put the damn thing out...no matter how much water you try to drown it in. The question is how long do I let it stay submerged in h2o? Do I attempt to let the fire burn - keeping these feelings I had....going heart first in w/caution? OR do I quickly pull it out and throw it in the ice box so that it freezes over to never feel emotion again? Ok, a little bit of an exaggeration but you get the point. The last freezer drop last for 4 years!

To end one a good note -
I did make one positive step by going to work today. I'm fortunate to have such a great job and co-workers/boss.
I had a HUGE slice of molasses spice cake (Susan makes the best!) and then bought myself a pretty Prana dress - all in hopes to feel better. It worked - a little. I need a half smilie icon to put here :/ as it's still tough to bring out a full smile.

This weekend will be interesting...I'm forecasting training and drinking myself into a comma.

:(

I was going to swim this morning, but my swollen eyes and fatigued body kept me in bed. I am going to take my much deserved recovery day and allow myself to rest....emotionally and physically.

I want to crawl under and rock and never leave.

Kryptonite

I found mine and its alias is love.

Years I had a wall up, how could I have ever be so dumb to let it come down?

Why does this hurt more than any training, race or injury I've ever experienced?

How could I be so f***ing stupid?

The boy who cries wolf ends up being eaten by the wolves....so those that ignored the real cry and no longer have him around are forced to suffer? - because of innocent fibs? How does this make sense?

You used to take my breath away and it was the most giddy, euphoric, and amazing feeling.
Now you take my breath away by stealing my oxygen with your fabrications, freezing my lungs and burning my soul.

I am not a doll that can be played with and put back on the shelf, I am a human that has craptastic womanly emotions.

If it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, why can I not curl my lips?

Will my eyes ever de-puff? Will I ever sleep again? Will this ache in my chest ever go away?

Afternoon run
My goal was to run for 2 hours easy, that wasn't exactly what I did.
6.15 miles - 46:30/7:35 avg

Let me start out by saying - I should not be running. My body REALLY needs a recovery day but doing so puts my sanity at risk, which I am only currently holding onto by a thread. We pick the lesser evil right?

I started out running hard...I continued to run hard....I ended running hard.
I ran out of anger and pain. Anger directed at myself for allowing another being to hurt me. 4 miles in I sprinted up a hill to a red light, this is probably where my HR maxed as I got dizzy and almost fell over as I learned up against the crosswalk signal. At I stood there wheezing/panting, waiting for the light to turn in my favor...it hit me. The spectacular meltdown! My hard breathing turned to crying and there I stood at the corner of the intersection balling my eyes out and hyperventilating - where was my inhaler when I needed it? Then this little old man waiting for the bus walks up to me with a tissue. He asks why I am so sad. I can't spit out complete sentences. I still can't control myself or breath right. So he says whatever it is it shall pass and make me stronger. He points at the sun peaking through the clouds and said that someone is watching over me. I try to smile but can't, I thank him and continue along my run. Now I run fast and hard because I feel like an ass for crying in public. "There's no crying in baseball!" :/ you know what I mean.
5 miles in and my heel is starting to hurt. I am running too hard and I am taxing my achillies and flaring my slightly annoyed planter. My one moment of intelligence of the day is listening to my body...and calling it quits at 6.15 miles. I ran hard and got a good portion of pain out. Mission accomplished.


Now - who wants to ride a mechanical bull with me on Friday while drinking Four Lokos?

Mushy Mind and a crippled heart

Today was "supposed" to be a recovery day. I was "supposed" to be flying out of town. Then life throws you lemons.... When you think something is too good to be true....9 times out of 10 it's is. True love is a facade.

It's amazing the "power" I was able to come up with on day 6 of a power building phase...after only 4 hours of solid sleep, too much alcohol the night before (I had to shut my mind down somehow) and a full day of work.

Evening Spin
3 hours - steady with a 153 watt avg/ 150 hr avg.
I didn't start to "suffer" until 2:40 but no swim/bike or run suffering will ever compare to the pain of heartache.

It sucks when you realize you love someone that doesn't love you back.
Tel est la vie

Just another day

AM Run - 60 mins
10 min warm up
16 min barefoot run
5 min easy/back in shoes
20 min hill repeats
10 min cool down

PM Swim
Warm up
1 x 500

Drills
2 x 50 - DPS; 10
2 x 50 - one arm stroke, 6-R, 6-L, 6 both
repeat 3 x

Main Set
8 x 100; 00:20 rest - landed on 136-1:37 - aerobic pace
8 x 100 w/ paddles; 00:20 - landed on 1:30-1:32 - aerobic pace

Cool down
1 x 200
2 x 50 - on back dolphin kick

Total yardage - 3000

On another note - my heart is freezing over again :(

Flushing out the lactic...

build up with a nice and easy 90 min recovery spin.
Avg watts 136/Avg HR 137