I went on a self-discovery adventure this weekend. Here are a few of the highlights and lowlights.
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what make you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
*I landed at LAX and was left all by myself. It was the most sickening, gut wrenching feeling. At this moment I lost a huge chunk of heart.
*Never under estimate e-friendships. My buddy *fish head* provided uplifting smiles and my girlfriend Nicole allowed me to crash at her place for the night. Hun, you saved me!
*I found myself on Crenshaw Blvd at 7:30am waiting for the rental car company to open. I must admit I was a little freaked out. It's been a long time since I've been in the hood; I've lost all my gangsta edge. I was wearing blue jeans, blue t-shirt and a red TYR hoodie. Bloods or Crips? What side would I take? I found comfort in a little Mexican restaurant. There I sat with my spicy sausage and 10-12 Mexican men. They kept referring to me as "chica bonita blanca". I wish I knew Spanish. I kept referencing what they were saying on my BB. We watched soccer/football and ate breakfast together. I think I may have been mixed in.
*I found myself on Crenshaw Blvd at 7:30am waiting for the rental car company to open. I must admit I was a little freaked out. It's been a long time since I've been in the hood; I've lost all my gangsta edge. I was wearing blue jeans, blue t-shirt and a red TYR hoodie. Bloods or Crips? What side would I take? I found comfort in a little Mexican restaurant. There I sat with my spicy sausage and 10-12 Mexican men. They kept referring to me as "chica bonita blanca". I wish I knew Spanish. I kept referencing what they were saying on my BB. We watched soccer/football and ate breakfast together. I think I may have been mixed in.
*After 5hrs of sleep and some mean sausage I started the 2hr drive down to a whale's vagina. San Diego.
*The point of driving down to SD was to see my dad. I haven't seen the man in Lord knows how long. We don't have the typical father- daughter relationship. He is sick and will die soon. I needed to salvage what relationship we do have and make sure we are both at peace.
*I rented a Felt S22 from Moment Cycle Sports. This baby girl was my ONLY saving grace this weekend. Saturday I went out in my Bippie Dress, white lace liner shorts and my white bolero.
5 minutes out and a cyclist flipped a U-Turn, and took me on a 2+ hour hill climbing tour. I was thankful to have a local show me around. I had to bike like a girl since I'm still 4 weeks out on my stress fracture. No badass power for me. Just relentless spinning.
*The glue that kept my sanity together was composed of emails, txts and phone calls from friends and family. I love you all! Special thanks to Jesse, MJ, Lauren, Mom and Mike.
*I spent the evening reconnecting with my dad and grandpa. They both have cancer. It may be the last time I get to see either of them. My grandpa still has a full head of "Elvis" hair. Even with no teeth he still looks handsome. I felt the night called for some good 'ol Rocky Road - my dad's favorite desert.
Here's a picture of my dad on his bike - he carries beer in his basket. He taught me how to swim and bike. I'm often reminded that he "pottery trained my a**" - in his words.
*I wake up at midnight to my dad and his gf fighting. Do I need to mention the crazy b**** is 20yrs younger then he is? Anywho the drunk girl proceeded to make a scene for the next 3 hours. She is very abusive to my dad. It makes me sick to my stomach that he puts up with her. The girl was very lucky I didn't get up and kick her a**. I was VERY tempted to doing so. I'm fatigued and hostile at this point.
I finally fell back to sleep around 3:30am.
*A restless 4.5hrs later I got up and started my day with a strong cup of java and stared off into the ocean. I wished I could have been swept out to sea.
*The vitamin D lifted my spirits and I went out for another ride. This time I was all alone.
2.5hrs of MUCH needed therapy! In these photo's I'm rockin' my FAVORITE shortsleeve jersey - Icebreaker's Rhythm jersey. I heart wool! Riding in 65-70 degrees and I never felt hot. With 5 pockets I was able to hold a water bottle, my blackberry, a map, multi-tool and cc/id. I may have been able to fit the kitchen sink if I had tried.
*I arrived home to find my dad drinking/drunk again. If I was dating such a nut job I might do the same. Wait.....I'll retract that statement. I have my own relationship issues at hand....hence broken heart. Anywho, his child-like behavior got on my last nerve. He was supposed to take me to return my bike. This is one of the many reasons we do not have a relationship. He has no sense of responsibility and I am just not OK with this. After the ride, lack of sleep, travel, and emotional stress my energy was at sub zero. Then he forced me to see my sister who avoided seeing me the night before. Awesome. The last time I heard from her she wrote me a "hate" email on my birthday. I did NOT choose this side of the family.
*Hoping to salvage what little heart I had left I opted to leave San Diego a few hours early and head back to LAX. No one was waiting for me in LA. Ugh, sad. I sat at LAX for the next 3.5hrs and filled my heart with Vodka. I ended up in the fetal position in the corner and got in a much needed 30 min nap.
I followed my heart and I went to LA. Although it hurt, a lot, I accomplished what I needed to.
"Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love all the pieces fit but when your heart get broken, it takes awhile to get everything back together."
Today is day 7 with a batting avg of 4-6hrs of sleep per night. I'm praying I will get some Zzzzzs tonight.
3 comments:
Beautiful story.
1. Well said, although I have no use for religion outside of spirituality.
2. You get five points for a black and wooly heart.
3. Five points for the Ron Burgundy reference, and another five points for the visual of you trying to flash the appropriate gang sign.
4. Ten points for mentioning the Felt S22 from Moment Cycle Sports, the Bippie Dress, and Rythm Jersey. You're like a real-life Elaine Benes.
5. Last but not least, you earned another five points for filling your heart with vodka. Well done!
Just so you know, if you google 'chica bonita blanca" your blog shows up twice, you pretty white girl. ;)
Get some rest!
I am sorry that your trip didn't go well. The fact that you put yourself out there shows how strong you are. You should be proud of that. Felt bikes are always a great way to cheer up. Mine always has that effect on me.
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