Reflection

The weekend was long. Training, volunteering and cheering at IMCdA while dealing with health mental/physical adversities. I'm really not down with going into much detail so I'll blurb a little here and there. If you're meant to know what I'm talking about you will, if you're not you wont.

*The human body is rather amazing. The mind can push our physical limits much further then they are trained to go.
*Congrats!
*A year off....and two years from an IM. Am I mad?
*The truth hurts and I often burn myself.
*Why is it we don't realize what we have until it's gone?
*A friend will walk with you in hell
*I have a BADASS coach
*Lockdown
*Perception is in the eyes of the beholder. I can be and accept I am wrong.
*Proud - of so many for so many different reasons.
*What am I to do? I wish I could have a coach that would handle all my life challenges.
*Tick-Tok....If only I could stop, rewind or control the hands of time.
*Human nature is odd.
*The heart doesn't lie....but the brain can deceive or vice versa.
*What price are we willing to pay?

Foggy

I have not had solid sleep in days - Saturday to be exact. I remember it well.... solid, energizing bliss. Now it's just wishful thinking. A dream that I want to embark on. My fatigue is hitting an uncomfortable high. I'm turning into a fog machine or a zombie, your call. I can't remember what I was previously doing, although somehow I am getting the job done.

I was up at 430am to get my spin in before work. That gave me enough time to get my swim in before we head out to CdA. THANK GOD Johan is driving! I don't know how I got out of bed. Oh yes I do. I shut that little voice off in my head and just kept reciting - Go, Go, Go. My whole upper body hurt - really bad. Could be the DOMS from the weight lifting. But I think that is doubtful as I have finally adjusted to the iron. Or it could be the Fibro as the pain was in my "tender spots". I'm still having a hard time accepting that. Fibro is an excuse and we all know how I feel about excuses. Today was the first day I have had Z3 intervals thrown into my workout since injury. Yippee! Please note: no sarcasm. Maybe that was why I was able to get on the bike 15 mins after waking. I was excited for some real intensity. I thoroughly enjoyed them. I was accompanied by my roommate 45 mins in the workout - ala vacuuming. Lol, before 6 am and my workout is almost done and the house is getting cleaned. I've said it before and I'll say it again - if Jesse was a dude I'd marry her. Her ex must have been a serious F***stick to mess that deal up.
Dr. Dre's Lyrical Gangbang helped me get through the last few pedal strokes. Oh how I <3 my gangsta rap.

Swim - Felt FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC! H2o therapy was just what the doctor ordered.

Off to CdA to cheer on a bunch of badass friends!

Insomnia

I should have played the lead role in this flick.

I have tried everything under the sun to manage this sleeping disorder. I'm not a fan of Western medicine or waking up feeling like a zombie. Prescribed drugs are not an option for me. Instead I have found a "routine" that works 80% of the time. Lol- 80/20 rule applies to everything. (I've been in retail too long). Sharing is caring if it helps others catch some missing zzzzz's.

First off I go to bed early. Early as in I'm in bed before the moon rises and the sunsets. So early that Mr. Ed is not yet on Nick at Night. Oh wait, times have changed haven't they? Nick at Night is probably playing Cheers and Night Court as "oldies" now. :le sigh: I'm getting old. Any who....I dated a guy that teased that his daughter went to bed before me. It's true. I admit it. Early to bed ensures early to rise so and that I can bust out a 5am workout. The early bird gets the Malto!

How does one get to sleep so early? Usually I'm physically exhausted from training and mentally exhausted from working. Falling a sleep is not so much the problem. It's staying asleep. This is where my good friend SleepyTime Tea comes in. 2 packets of Extra Strength Sleepy Time Tea is a must, as is a black out mask. Music is good as is the sound of a fan. Sometimes I will result to wearing ear plugs.

If I had a strenuous training day I have to deal with the plague of RLS. To combat that I need to spend an extra 10-15 mins per night Trigger Point rolling (this should be done everyday anyway). I rock compression to bed and my mom and doc convinced me to sleep with a bar or two of Ivory soap.

Now, let's say weekend arrives and I want to run the town until dawn with my girls. The next day I'm totally f***ed. Not only that day but the day after sucks as well. I can't make up lost sleep. I need to find a way to pause the clock so I can the dance night away or not.

The combination above works.....80/20. It seams like a lot but anything is better than being drugged IMHO.

Ugh on the visual-
Early to bed while rockin' compression, an eye mask, ear plugs and the strassburg sock (for the achillies issue) or what my friend Lauren likes to refer to as the jockstrap sock while sleeping on goose down (the only attractive thing in this series) with soap at my feet. Oh yes.....I'm going to be sleeping ALONE for a VERY long time....which is probably for the best with my RLS. I've heard that kicking your partner in bed is usually frowned upon, unless you're into that kinky weird s***. To each their own.

Tonight I will pray for some much needed zzzzzs's

Peeeeeaaaaanut, Peanut Butter!

I hit the pool this morning. 10 days after getting this little number . The water felt good. The return to pulling did not. I tested out these guys . I like to refer to them as Bat Goggles. Took them off after 50 yards. The outside molding interfered with my peripheral vision. I've been swimming in these bad boys - Blue Seventy's Carbon Fiber goggle now and then. Range of sight is awesome! Plus they're carbon fiber - droooool. The draw back is they leave bruises around my eyes. No carbon fiber is worth bruising. Alas I go back to my favorite- tried and true Nest Pros . My momma calls them "Spidy Goggles". I love these goggles. Great range of vision, no bruising and I get to look like SpiderWOman IF there ever was one!

Post swim I drove myself to the Nike campus track. Along my way I kept thinking "WTF am I doing?" Driving to a track to run 2 x 1/4 miles....easy. Most would consider this a waste of time. In fact I questioned that today as a jogged, then walked repeat x 1. As I had my back turned to the track walking to my car I smiled big. I knew the answer. I was running without pain :D. Nothing good comes easy and I have abused my running privileges. I will take my punishment as it is given.

I was like totally taken back to the 80's today. One of my inside reps reminded me of Number 5 from Short Circuit. He's straight up on auto pilot. Very machine like. But unlike Number 5 he has no personality. Then my co-worker says "Number 5 is alllliiiiiive!" Lol - so funny. This got me thinking about some funny 80s flicks - Howard The Duck, Germlins, The Goonies, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Muppets Take Manhattan (personal fav of mine). As a kid I dreamed of hooking up with a Super Duck. I wouldn't eat fried chicken past midnight. Had endless nightmares of Large Marge and a 3 Eyed Hag. I also resembled Miss Piggy which was due to eating too much candy during movie watching.

I was speaking to my boss this morning about how I excited I was to go to IMCdA this weekend. She commented "that must be hard for you". Oddly enough I replied that it wasn't. When I was first injured, yes it was difficult to deal with. As with all bad news I was angry. My anger turned to hurt and depression. Then I moved on and got over it. Life is too short to sit on the pot stewing all day. I am not going to CdA for me. I am going because I have a lot of friends racing that I want to support. Ironman is such a wonderful adventure - whether you're supporting, participating or racing.

I finished the evening off with 45 mins of weight lifting. I am making good progression here. Watch out - soon I will be She-Ra Princess of Power :D


I leave you with this one question....is peanut butter not the best food in the world?

Perplexed....

I know what I want

I have faith I can do what I believe.

Excuses are like an a**hole, everyone's got 'em. I don't believe in excuses...but I do believe in a**holes as I've encountered a few.

I am tired of being patient. Almost every aspect of my life is on "hold". How long do you wait on hold before you hang up?

No - Who came up with this word? WTF does it mean?

Any athletes have any advice with coping with the following two autoimmune disorders?
Fibromyalgia
Rheumatoid arthritis

Can't someone just give me a break? Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar?

This song is fitting....in more ways than one.


Silverman may have been a distant dream. I need to start weighing my risks.

At Peace

Inhale....
Exhale....
Inhale...
Exhale....

Breathing....so slowly but deeply. I am alive.
I've been knocked down. In fact I've been knocked out. I've seen darkness and walked along the shadows of despair and pain.
I've been reached out to and touched. You learn who your friends and family are when you're sitting along the sidelines unable to get up on your own. Calls, emails and random drive-by's have not gone unnoticed. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. But why all of this? Why now?

Since I've been MIA for some time you may ask what? I'll tell you what. Achillies tendonitis with multiple shots of cortisone injections. Reynaud's Syndrome so bad I had frost bite on two of my toes and risked losing them. Positive blood testing that could lead into an auto immune disorder. Canceling my first HIM of the season Wildflower. Canceling my A race IM of the year IMCdA. Losing my entire race season.....

BUT there is a light at the end as I no longer have tunnel vision. Without my head buried in training I have been able to see a bigger picture. I was able to support my room mate for her first marathon. I was able to cheer on my co-workers during the annual team building triathlon. I have kept my soul sane with lots of cooking and oil pastel painting. Sorry, about the lack of writing....my heart just hasn't been in it. I have maintained aerobic fitness and kept my physical health in check with lots 'o aqua running, zone 1&2 mind numbing spins, pilates, endless pull sessions in the pool (I have been pulling for 6 weeks now!) and weight lifting. My strength is slowly building and my health is slowly VERY slowly coming back. I have learned to be patient. I can forecast a bigger picture and not allow the setback to anchor me any longer. I could not accomplish this alone. I have a coach that I trust. Not only will her guidance make me healthy but one day I will be stronger than I ever was. I have had friends get up at the crack of dawn to AQUA RUN with me. Others have spent hours on the trainer with me or out riding stuck in Z1/Z2. Then there's the emails, the phone calls and the unexpected visits. The heart that turned black and hard has softened a bit and starting to beat to sound of the bass drum again.

Ah, I always ramble on and forget my point ....EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. My mom and I have grown close in the last few years....but never as close as we are now. I can honestly THANK my injury for our relationship. She has been there for me, endlessly and unselfishly. She's gone with me to open water swim/aqua run to support me while I spent 2 hours out in a lake. She blew on the back of my legs when I burned myself with ointment that was applied to massive chafing induced from aqua running in a wetsuit. She made chocolate flourless cake! She is my partner in crime for Thai cuisine and knows how to get sushified. She learned how to aqua run with me....and will soon learn how to swim :) Most all she makes me smile when I cry. I love you mom, thank you.

My momma and I two nights before IMC.


I will be away from the blogspot for while until I find the writing mojo I once had.

PS-
I am still signed up for IM Silverman - Nov 2010. I'm hoping to prance on my legs sometime soon. I'm keeping my chin up and wishing on a shooting star.